the deeper end

This week I have pondered nervous-system safety, my dearly departing thrusters and the exact point where scratching a yellow-jacket sting becomes almost orgasmic. I have also needed confirmation that twelve tablespoons is three-quarters of a cup. Because apparently a woman can be balls-deep in the meaning of her own existence and still need help with salad dressing. I contain multitudes, babe. But here’s what’s been clanging around in me: My aliveness is done waiting. She’s b

I don’t know about you… but I’m becoming wildly uninterested in sleepwalking through any of this ride we call life. So I think I’m going to keep poking at this. Aliveness! The body. The weird shit we do to stay who we’ve been. The things that fall away. The things that light us the fuck up. The stuff I notice in myself that makes me go: Welllllll. Would you look at THAT. 😂 No ten-step plan. No high powered microscope. No answers from the mountaintop. Just a woman paying rea

I was standing at the kitchen sink doing dinner dishes. Water running. Mom talking. Softly. From across the room. As if I came equipped with bat ears. I spun around with my patented... Mom...what the actual fuck? look. Boom. I'm six years old again. Funny how a running faucet can time travel. Here's the thing... I love my mom. Like...I really love my mom. That ain't the question. The question is... What the hell do I do with the little girl who's still standing inside me wond

Not to that body. Not to that marriage. Not to that nervous system. Not to the woman who held her breath trying to keep everyone comfortable. She got us here. Love her. Thank her. And let her retire. Because every time you say, "I want my old self back," some part of you quietly tells the woman standing here today... "You aren't enough." That's Bullshit. You are not lost. You have simply outgrown the skin that used to fit. -- Of course it feels weird. Of course your friendshi

When Your body knows-- And You Override It There’s a moment. You’re mid-conversation—and something shifts. She says something. Or maybe she doesn’t. But your body? It knows. A tightening. A pause. A quiet “hmm…” And right on cue—you want to override it. Laugh it off. Smooth it over. Keep it easy. That’s the old move. And then… There are those other moments. The ones that feel like BAM. I had one today with a dear sister girl—same starseed stock. We see each other maybe once a

I'm not here to blog. I'm here to tell the truth. From inside my body. What it feels like to be a woman in her 60s who is wide awake. Done performing Done shrinking. Done waiting. There is a pulse in me right now. A knowing. A readiness. Not to become something... But to finally be what's already here. This is where I speak from now. Welcome